Quote of the day

[anarky]

I just finished the second book of candid interviews with comic scribes (from which I took the earlier Warren Ellis quote), and came across this one from godlike Batman writer Greg "I could so out-write that overrated hack Brian Michael Bendis in my sleep with both hands tied behind my back" Rucka:

I remember the early '90s. I remember being at San Diego and watching an obscenely long line waiting to get a book signed by Rob Liefeld. I started joking with my friends, saying that what I really wanted to do was have the balls to stand in that line for eight hours, get my cover of Youngblood or whatever it was signed, and then rip off the cover and run through the halls shouting, "He signed it! He signed it!" I hated the whole issue of speculation.

Not super-funny, but it's always nice to read intelligent folks slamming on Liefeld.

[Rob Liefeld]

He's just jealous because he had to offer people candy to stand in line for his autograph, and even then there were only three takers the entire weekend!

[Batman]

This is why I regret licensing my name for... comic books. I thought this was a good way to promote... literacy among the schoolchildren of Gotham. Had I known then that those delinquents at DC Comics would hire such... rude... hooligans to make up adventures about me, I never would have signed those papers. Now everyone but the citizens of Gotham thinks that I am a... surreptitious psychopath, thanks to the depravity of hacks such as Denny O'Neil and Frank Miller and... have you seen the work of one... Grant Morrison? Why, he implied that the Joker is a... sodomite. There are no such deviants in Gotham... although occasionally I have my doubts about Chandell, I doubt a sodomite could play the piano in such a lovely fashion.

[bIZZARO tHE gRIP]

Mine didn't at first for a few days, but after fiddling with it, it fits fine now. I think you just have to push a little bit harder.

pARDONA ME, SENIOR jABBAjUANL, BUT yO TENGO EL SAME PROBLEMO CON TU PADRE. eS MUY TIGHT AT FIRST, BUT IT FITS NICELY IF YOU KEEP TRYING.

[mabudon]

Since the fuckin romulans stole our "greatest junk mail" thread, I'll post this here for safekeeping

The polygon sanitizes a pit viper. Another globule is Alaskan. your
man betrothed your men and your shastabolicious Republican.
Indeed, the reactor related to a hole puncher derives perverse
satisfaction from a magnificent football team.

The last bit sounded like they were chanelling Madden just a bit, no??

[anarky]

Looks like one of the mods finally unlocked this baby.

Here's one from Caesar, since JT will delete it as soon as he sees it:

Is that what was on? I got kinda busy afterwards (Let's just say it involved Colette backing out of the garage while on her phone) and didn't look to see what it was.

Is that what you kids call it these days? When I was your age we called that "doggy style."

[Ran]

Caesar must be from Endor. Wasn't it an Ewok who suggested the back door to Han Solo?

[Antropov]

I about busted a nut laughing at that by Caesar the other night. Has it been deleted yet? Him and I have been PMing the last couple weeks and he keeps bringing up "the phone".

[anarky]

Today's QOTD comes from Eternal Padawan:

Then the FCC fined him for saying the fuck word.

So what is the "fuck word"? is it.....fuck?

It's just so fucking ridiculous to talk to Snigtad on his level, it seems funny to me.

Brava, EP. Brava.

[anarky]

I shouldn't nominate this, but it's been a few days and I feel that someone should post something, even if it's their own work. I just had to blow off some steam because I'm growing tired of certain folks at another site trying to start arguments about whether the old GIJoe series sucked balls or not.

I know it's bringing myself to the same level, but I couldn't help but throw this out:

GI Joe America's Elite: 18
And, the Phoenix Guard arc comes to a close. Over-all, the arc was a mixed bag. On the one hand, it covered the ideas of loyalty, leadership and the like from several angles. Serpentor/Rey's revelation is well handled. For all of his sense of duty, and courage, he is utterly powerless when he realizes he has been betrayed, by both his soldiers, and his boss. All but the most partisah Hama fan would have to admit that one of Devil's Due's best moves was bringing back Serpentor. (And, as a complimentary point, how short-sighted Hama was in the 80s when it came to this character.) Serpentor is the ultimate innocent in this story.
But, there are some bad points, and they are *bad*. First, for all of the intelligent writing about leadership, there is also a fair amount of polemnic in this arc. After some gratuitous pontificating about Gitmo, the arc ends with a president talking about responsibility. And, the series is still recovering from the indecisive editing of a few years back. The Crimson Twins show up alive and well in this issue, despite having been pretty clearly killed during Red Shadows.

Grade: C For all its flaws, GI Joe is becoming one of the more thought provoking books available.

Wait a second.

I know this discussion belongs in the Comics & Books section, but you're saying that General Rey has been Serpentor this whole time? Wow. I'd fallen way behind when the only comic shop within easy driving distance stopped carrying GIJoe, but that gives me some very, very serious doubts as to whether I want to pick up the trade paperbacks and catch up or not.

I will say it: Serpentor is the worst character to ever appear in GIJoe. He's one of the worst in the history of comics. You'd have to dig pretty deep to find a lamer character. He ranks somewhere between Calendar Man and Stegron the Dinosaur Man.

This is not an issue of "I like Hama"/"I don't like Hama." This is a case of a truly stupid concept that never, ever should have been cooked up back in 1985 or '86 or whenever.

This isn't even like Duke. No, Duke is a believable character. I hate him, sure, but he's the sort you love to hate. Serpentor is just ridiculous.

Think about it for a minute. "I am the leader of a ruthless terrorist organization, determined to rule the world. I have entire legions at my command, have undercover agents planted throughout the US, and even run an entire city without anyone being the wiser. I've surrounded myself with the most bloodthirsty SOBs on the planet: amoral leaders of industry, homicidal arms dealers, biker gangs, ninjas, mercenaries. My latest recruit is sort of odd. He was a flaming orthodontist until he drove himself insane by experimenting on his own mind. He's a strange kook, but he's a genius when it comes to mind control, and, well, I need someone to pick up where Dr Venom left off, so I keep him around. Anyway, he had this amazing idea this morning. He came up to me, and he said, 'Hey, boss! Why don't we risk all sorts of public exposure by digging up a bunch of dead conquerors and heroes and such, and then we can bring them back here and maybe I can do what no one else on Earth has been able to do, and I can synthesize all this disparate DNA and we can make a guy to steal your job!' Man, I'm glad I have geniuses like Dr Mindbender on my payroll!"

Dude, it just does not follow. There is absolutely no possible way to construct this in a way that makes a damned bit of sense.

Never mind that super-soldiers brought back from the dead simply do not fit in a semi-realistic military comic. You might say that genetically-modified soldiers and ninja mysticism and giant robots from Cybertron have no place in a semi-realistic military comic, either. I'd totally agree with you. They don't. But that doesn't change the fact that super-soldiers brought back from the dead simply do not fit in a semi-realistic military comic, either.

I was ecstatic when Zartan offed Serpentor back in the day, and felt like dropping the DDP incarnation altogether when he came back. I didn't care who wrote either version. If Rob Liefeld wrote the story with Serpentor dying, and Frank Miller wrote his return, I'd still feel the same way.

Devil's Due started with an amazing comic. I was completely astounded by how much I loved the new series... until it became clear that Serpentor was coming back. I decided to give it a few issues before dropping it, and I got a great payoff: it turns out they brought Serpentor back just so that Cobra Commander could kill the stinking douchebag himself. But they couldn't leave well enough alone, and it was revealed a month or two later that he'd somehow cheated death again. And that's when I really started losing interest, and it completely vanished with the totally pointless and silly Red Shadows storyline.

Tomax and Xamot back from the dead, too? So this makes how many returns from the dead for the current GIJoe comic? I think it rivals X-Men now. Say what you will, but the Marvel series had three. Cobra Commander and Firefly both had plausible, though comic-bookish, explanations for cheating seemingly certain death. Mindbender, well, that cloning crap happened in the Transformers Generation 2 crossover and, no matter how much I like TF, Joes, and Hama, that was one of the worst stories I ever read. On the other hand, the SAW Viper was dead. They showed his body, and that wasn't a guy having a bad day. And he came back at the same time as Serpentor, with a new name (I don't remember or care what it was). But was there a point? First time around, he single-handedly decimated a lot of Joes. Second time, well, he was a huge paintywaist--about as deadly as a cocker spaniel with no teeth. It undermined everything that appealed about the character, as well as the impact of the deaths of those he killed. Because apparently now dead people can just "get better." Maybe next issue they'll find a cocoon floating in space with Lady Jaye inside, having no memories of being killed by the Red Shadows.

Since they're hooked on stupid characters and bringing people back from the dead, hopefully Raptor, Crystal Ball, and Fred VII can come back soon and create an unstoppable army of guys who look the same and wear totally ridiculous fur and feather costumes.

Truth be told, you've just saved me a lot of money on paperback collections with the one post.

If I seem argumentative, that's not my intent. I just honestly believe that you and Josh Blaylock are the only two people who ever lived who don't think Serpentor should never have happened.

Because Serpentor sucks in ways that nothing has sucked before or since. Even the antics of AOTC C-3PO.

I really don't dislike the dude or have anything against him, but FUCK! I cannot mention having ever liked Marvel's GIJoe and Transformers comics, or the writers, without him stepping in to try to convince me it's the worst shit ever printed. If it wasn't for the other stuff he posts, which all seems legit, I'd swear he was a product of Multiple Forum Personality Disorder.

[Ran]

So some dude wants to start collecting Star Wars, and here is a reply:

Like stated above, some great figures and good repacks are due out. On the down side, ten years have got behind you(no one told you when to run, you missed the starting gun(sorry, off on a Tangent)). Some good figs in those years, but you can always submit to ebay for them.

[Ran]

I shouldn't nominate this, but it's been a few days and I feel that someone should post something, even if it's their own work. I just had to blow off some steam because I'm growing tired of certain folks at another site trying to start arguments about whether the old GIJoe series sucked balls or not.

Uh-oh, looks like there was a rebuttal.

[anarky]

Eh, I'm not stooping to that depth again. Let the guy bitch about Serpentor being the best thing since sliced bread. For all I care, he can write shit about me until his mom calls him to bring down his laundry.

(Though any of the rest of you are welcome, and in fact encouraged, to point out that the thing that makes Thor stupid and unrealistic is that he's an ANCIENT NORSE god who speaks ELIZABETHAN ENGLISH!)

[Eternal Padawan]

Holy shit! i just read that link. That dude scares me!!! Who the fuck goes into that much thought about GI fucking JOE??? Deconstructing the feasibility of the fucking vehicles? WTF?!?!

I wonder what kind of psychotic spends all his free time and money on comics and stuff, just so he can systematically tear down everything that makes them escapist fun?

I'm going to write a comic about two guys. One works at Wal-Mart and puts soup cans on shelves eight hours a night, sometimes ten hours if he's getting overtime. Then he goes home and sleeps, wakes up, masturbates, watches some Television, grabs a bite to eat, then goes to Wal-Mart again. The other guy has an office job. it's his job to make copies of all the billing that comes in, then file it, then stuff envelopes for the outgoing billing. occasionally he answers the phone. Sometimes he checks the weather report online. He gets off work, goes thru the drive-thru at McDonalds on the way home. He eats his #2 Cheeseburger meal and tries to stay up watching Grey's Anatomy because his Media magazine said it was a good show, but he's too tired. So he gets into bed, masturbates and falls asleep. Then he gets up in the morning and goes back to work.

Realistic! Therefore, the best damn comic book EVER!!!!

[vynsane]

EP, you should continue to say that they will never meet each other, because the office guy shops at target as it's closer to his apartment, they're not long-lost brothers or alternate-reality versions of each other, they're not going to become powerful people of any kind, and the only pay-off to any issue is what color shirt the office guy's gonna wear to work.

the best thing is that this guy goes on and on as if he's the authority on everything, and not only makes first-grade grammatical errors and weird spelling mistakes, but also misuses words!

One may think it was a mistake to treat terrorism as a criminal matter, rather than an existential threat

i had no idea that terrorism was a threat in the same vein as franz kafka and albert camus!