Vynsane.com's Hasbro's Weekly Q&A

[kidhuman]

Its geared towards kids, they love Vader and what collection is complete without Vader in it?


So, why the fuck didnt you put wave 6 up for sale the other day also?

[Darth Vader]

I told them not to until all of the Darth Vaders were sold out. Why? Because I'm the Lord of the Sith, Bitch! If you don't like it, I can leave a garrison of Stormtroopers all up in that ass.

I noticed that there isn't a figure of me in the Hoth Battle Pack. Can you possibly focus all of your Star Wars products on me just a bit more?

[Senor JabbaJohnL]

Sorry, Vader. We were too busy trying to fit awesome shit into that pack (AT-ST, the turret, snowtroopers) with a healthy mix of stupid shit (giant Luke with Obi-Wan's saber, bright blue Hoth Han, that midget Rebel) to put you in there. We'll re-release it next year anyway so we might fit you in there.

Are you guys gonna put wave 4 and 5 back up on the site, at, say, NOT fucking four in the morning?

[kidhuman]

5:03 AM(hey its not 4 in the morning.

What the fuck happened to the Lando in Smuggler Gear Coin? It is the most racist thing I have seen in some time.

[Senor JabbaJohnL]

The closest model we could find for Billy Dee Williams was your old pal Sambo, so we went with it.

Why the hell are you being so hush-hush about the Hoth Battlepack?

[anarky]

Shhhhh. Don't tell anyone, but we're secretly planning to make this a ninja set by switching out one of the Snowtroopers with everyone's favorite mammal who's clad in black and loves nothing more than killing people with his sword. Here's a hint: it's a red sword. But keep it on the down-low. If you squeal, we'll kill you.

Why don't you just admit the fan polls are totally rigged piles of horsedoon?

[Ran]

But the polls are to make you think we are giving you what you want.

If you guys say that adding articulation is expensive, they why did you put useless hip and knee articulation on M'iiyoom Onith? The plastic robe pretty much forces the figures to remain straight.

[kidhuman]

Well, you bitch and moan with no articulation, bitch and moan with it. STFU and deal with it.


So, when will we see that Ephant-Yarna 2 pack?

[Ran]

HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! Oh, you are serious. Good idea, it's not in the plans for 2008, but we would like to get to it soon.

Ever get the feeling that you're trying to put too much detail in some figures and it makes them look crappy? Take that last Tattoine Luke or Torture Rack Han for example.

[Zero]

You are under the impression we care about detail. the truth is, we've realized you'll buy anything and we save a ton of money not paying Mark Hamill and Harrison ford for likeness rights, so we make their characters look hermaphroditic and diminutive. It doesn't affect sales, thanks to you little douches unyielding zeal for all things crappy, but it IS funny to watch Mr. Ford squirm as he tries to convince the judge that this horrific ugly little lump of plastic lookes EXACTLY like him. It makes us laugh. It makes George [Lucas] laugh too. Then George likes to go back to his 15 billion dollar mansion and lube up a half dozen Playboy bunnies with mayonnaise and fuck them all senseless on a big pile of twenty dollar bills. You'd think he'd be thinner from all that cardio, but whatev...I'm sorry, I lost track of the original question. Something about us making shitty figures or some such?



Can you explain the exact nature of your online polls? Since we already know you are rigging them to "give" us figures you've already decided on, probably a year or more ago, since you already have mock ups and prototypes of figures that are going to "win". All you're really doing is making us wonder why you are so fucking devious. Why are you devious?

[anarky]

You know you want Lilandra more than Gambit or Silver Samurai. We're just helping you recognize that.

Why the secrecy about the Hoth set? You've answered "no comment" in four different Q&A questions about it last week. And, yet, the pics are all over the internet, it's going to be out in the next month or so, and it clearly has a Target exclusive sticker.

[kidhuman]

What Hoth Set?

Can you please stop with the legends line?

[Ran]

Certainly. By the way, we would like to announce the return of The Greatest Hits line.

Do you really expect us to believe that Yarna is on your "short list"? If she is on this "short list", what unwanted resculpt is so important that you're bumping her back?

[Zero]

The real question is WHAT will you whiny bitches have left to complain about after all these long years once we decide to release that chubby bitch. What then, fags? Oh, and it's a new Vader sculpt.


You have access to all Toybiz's molds. You re-use them constantly. You have them sitting in front of you! But it's beyond your skills to duplicate them, and instead give us POS sculpts? What's your excuse?

[anarky]

Because we want to excel on our own terms.

(mmmph... mmmpphh...)

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!! We have to pay for the rights on all the Toybiz sculpts we re-use! While our proprietary sculpts are designed by poor kids in Laos who get paid less than ten dollars a year for working 12-hour days! What, do you think we're stupid?

(Oh, and that also means that, once again, if you don't like the figures, you don't like starving kids. Shame on you, monster!)

Hasbro, I'm passing on more and more stuff with every wave of new figures (or, more accurately, every wave with a new figure and a bunch of shit). It seems a lot of people are with me on this. Are you worried in the slightest?