A VYNSANE.COM EXCLUSIVE!!
WASILLA, AK: Alaska Governor and Republican Vice Presidential Nominee Sarah Palin spent her summer performing a satanic ritual that culminated in the eating of a 3-week old baby.
The ritual, intended to bring about the return of Vishnu (a hideous Iroquois demon not to be confused with the Hindu god of the same name), involved the participation of the Wasilla branches of the Hell's Angels, the Bloods, the Crips, and the Sesame Street Fan Club. Palin reportedly sodomized the baby with an American flag before slitting its throat, strapping on a dildo and skullfucking it for two hours, and then grilling it and eating it on a tortilla with habanero sauce.
When questioned, Palin answered, "Well, of course I ate the baby! It wasn't mine, so who cares?"
One overenthusiastic Crip reportedly ate the baby's flesh without first urinating on it, one of the requirements of the ritual, so the summoning of Vishnu was unsuccessful.
"But we still had fun," said Palin. "Eating dead babies is always a blast. I try to do it at least once a month."
Palin has been a controversial choice for Vice President, and this latest report casts even more doubt on McCain's sanity, especially when coupled with the revelation only three minutes later that her full name is Sarah Ralph Ferdinand Cumguzzling Gutterslut Puppyraper Heath Palin.
This reporter asked McCain if she actually was vetted, to which McCain responded, "Vetted? I'm a vet, not her, goldarnit! You heard about the time I was in the 'Nam? Goshdarned kids, get the hell off my lawn!"
UNLIMITED BABY PUDDING? WHERE I COME FROM THAT IS CODE FOR THE VICIOUS GREEN POOPOOS. I HAD ALMOST FORGOTTEN THAT PALIN WAS THE VEEP NOMINEE IN 2008. IN THE FUTURE SHE IS KNOWN FOR SOMETHING ENTIRELY DIFFERENT.
I CAN RIDE A BIKE WITH NO HANDLEBARS
NO HANDLEBARS HAN SHOT. FIRST! PERIOD. NO HANDLEBARS MORE COWBELL! NO HANDLEBARS GO FUCK YOURSELF™
That is correct. In 2012, Sarah Palin switched to the Democratic Party. She gave up politics altogether in 2013 to star on a reality TV show with her own daughter, Bristol. Eventually they did a hardcore spread together in the pages of Swank Magazine. "Mother-Daughter Lezzfest" sold 18 million copies and the BluRay video netted them $8.4 million. In 2025, her hit show "Celebrity Blowjobs" was the third highest rated show in America, behind the cop drama "Fuzz" and the M*A*S*H esque serial comedy "Seinfeld goes to War" starring the cast of the original Seinfeld comedy show. In 2030, she made an unsuccessful bid for the Presidency on the independent Coochie Party ticket. She eventually moved to Buenos Aires with her actor boytoy Paoulo Rafael, star of the 'Saved By The Bell' action movie franchise. She lived there with dual citizenship until her death in 2040.
I think both of you should be banned for being cheap pieces of shit machinery manufactured in Mexico by them chihuahua fuckin' taco shitters. We already got wops and swedes and limeys cluttering up what used to be a semi-decent forum. I can only imagine what it will be like when all those gardeners from Van Nuys start showing upwith their burros and coffee beans and shit. That cunt Oprah probably invited them up here to clean her pool, then fired the lot of them. FUCK YOU OPRAH!
UPDATE!
The McCain campaign has contacted vynsane.com with the following response to this story:
"It is perfectly within Governor Palin's rights to eat a baby," said campaign spokesman Dick Jack Hoff. "Governor Palin has a history of bucking the system, and her consumption of a dead human child is no different. You're only reporting this because you're all sexist. You should be ashamed of yourselves. You made her cry. Lay off of Sarah Palin. It is not the job of the media to report possible wrongdoing by a vice presidential nominee about whom nothing is known.
"And I must point out the disparity that your elitist Washington liberal media news team did not report that Senator Barack Obama mistakenly wore mismatched socks yesterday. Really, what is more important?"
