the vynsane asylum

Nine issues this week. I inexplicably picked up Age of Apocalypse, because it's the prelude to a crossover between three series, none of which I buy. Makes no sense.

Age of Apocalypse 13. Prelude to X-Termination. Hmm..apparently the huge war against Wolverine is over.

Age of Ultron 1. Holy Shit, an actual Embossed Foil Chromium Cover! Helloo, 1994!!! Ultron has taken over the world. The heroes(what's left of them) are hiding in the sewers. Bendis and Bryan Hitch say goodbye to the Avengers in style. This book has been delayed like a year, but Hitch really put the effort into making the delay worth it.

Avengers 7. The White Event happens. A new Starbrand is chosen.

Daredevil: End of Days 6. Urich is saved by...Daredevil?! Later he goes and visits the Owl and Purple Man trying to figure out Matt's last word, only to have Castle show up and assassinate both villains.

GIJoe: ARAH 188. Dr. Adele Burkhart gets her dumb ass held hostage again. This time aboard a pirate ship by the Red Shadows and their leader the Black Major.

Iron Man 7. Tony is on trial for killing the Phoenix Force. He insists on trial by combat and is doing well until the aliens bring in a ringer: Death's Head!!!!!!!!!!!

Superior Otto 5. Otto has dinner with his new midget girlfriend. Then he hunts down Massacre and straight up executes the fucker. Hardcore.

Transformers MTMTE 14. Chromedome delves into Overlord's memories to get his origin, and then Overlord flips things to find out how to escape from his cell on the Lost Light. Which he then does. Next issue promises to be a massacre.

All New X-Men 8. The two Angels save an empty Avengers Tower from Hydra, which leads to the Avengers finding out about Hank's Time Travel Faux Pas and a "conversation" between Cap and Hank (hilariously translated by Kitty and Bobby). Then young Warren wants to go home, and Jean goes into his head and changes his mind. Which leaves everyone a little freaked out by this new Jean. As I've stated repeatedly, this series is great.

DeckardSmith wrote:GIJoe: ARAH 188. Dr. Adele Burkhart gets her dumb ass held hostage again. This time aboard a pirate ship by the Red Shadows and their leader the Black Major.

I thought she was dead. Maybe I'm mistaken?

All-New X-Men #8 - What DS said. I never thought I'd give a real shit about an X-Men book again.

Batman: Detective Comics #18 - Bats deals with Penguin, who's been overthrown by Emperor Penguin. And Zsasz is loose again. A brief shoehorned mention of Damien gets tossed in.

Before Watchmen: Rorschach #4 - Another Before Watchmen series wraps up. R's potential new girlfriend gets raped and cut up since R decided to go be a hero, but ended up getting his ass kicked again.

Daredevil: End of Days #6 - What DS said again.

"Emperor Penguin" sounds like one of those 1990s schemes to replace existing characters with EXTREEM!!!1! versions of themselves.

Nine this week. Because I had eight, and then my Comic Guy produced a TF Spotlight issue from a couple weeks ago that he'd set aside for me. Only one First Issue this week.

Age of Ultron 2. Moon Knight and Black Widow survive alone in San Francisco. The NYC team comes up with a (crappy) plan.

Avengers Assemble 13. BW, Hawkguy, and Spider-Woman help a bunch of lizard junkies go through withdrawal from their lizard serum. Nope. Dropped.

Avenging Otto 18. Otto teams up with an arrogant, abrasive Thor to fight Electro, who has been super duper powered by AIM.

Fantastic Four 5. The FF time travels so the kids can meet Julius Caesar, who turns out was really a dimension hopping alien or something. Uhmm? Lolwut? Also Reed comes clean to Sue about his predicament.

Game of Thrones 13. Jon Snow graduates to the Nightwatch. Tyrion's "trial" in the Eeryie ends with Bronn killing whatsisface.

TF Spotlight: The 'Bee. Recounts how Bee stepped up into his leadership role after Optimus left Earth.

TF ReGen One 89. As always, too much happens to sum up. Grimlock, Dinobots, Scorponok, Galvatron, Shockwave, etc etc.

Wolverine 1. FIRST ISSUE. Some guy and then his son get possesed by an alien weapon or something and kill an entire mall of people. Eh. The only thing going for it is Alan Davis art, which is always great.

Uncanny X-Men "3". The undeniable highlight of the week. The Avengers face off against Scott's X-Men(until Scott calls "time out"...hilarious). The X-Men then scold Captain America for being a douche and then pwn the Avengers on YouTube. "Go to Hell." Effin' Brilliant!! Afterwards, Magneto comes clean and reveals his TRUE plan as a triple agent. And then Scott and Co. head off to Logan's school to recruit.
To anybody who decided to drop the X-Books after Marvel NOW(*cough*jjreason*cough*) you picked the exact WRONG time to leave. The X-Men are great again. Fer serious.

Batgirl #18 - Babs continues to track her brother and briefly learns of Damien's death.

Batman #18 - Bats hasn't slept in days and is whooping all kinds of ass on any criminal he can find, until that Harper chick (who's somehow been monitoring him without him knowing) steps in and confronts him.

Batman and Robin #18 - Completely wordless issue with Bats struggling with Damien's death.

Batman Incorporated #8 (2nd printing) - Spoilers: Damien dies.

Before Watchmen: Ozymandias #6 - Ozy puts the finishing touches on his master plan and pays a visit to Eddie Blake.

Game of Thrones #13 - Thought I dropped this snail...

Rocketeer: Hollywood Horror #2 - Cliff continues to search for the missing scientist and Betty gets involved.

Secret Avengers #2 - Fury and the gang recruit Taskmaster.

Star Wars #3 - Leia continues to search for the spy, Luke gets grounded and Han is double-crossed by Mon Mothma's contact.

Thunderbolts #6 - The team wraps up their first mission.

Transformers: Regeneration One #89 - Robot butt sex.

Uncanny X-Men #3 - What DS said. Great stuff.

Transformers: Regeneration One #89 - Robot butt sex.

Hey!!! Whoa whoa whoa! Spoiler Alert!

Now you've ruined it for anarky! (or got him all worked up thinking about Butt Sex. Either way...)

All this ReGen One butt sex is getting old. I want some fucking ass-to-mouth from Misfire and Axer.

RoIIo Tomassi wrote:

Transformers: Regeneration One #89 - Robot butt sex.

Hey!!! Whoa whoa whoa! Spoiler Alert!

Now you've ruined it for anarky! (or got him all worked up thinking about Butt Sex. Either way...)

It shouldn't be a surprise - its been 100% deviant robot sex in one form or another in every issue.

anarky wrote:All this ReGen One butt sex is getting old. I want some fucking ass-to-mouth from Misfire and Axer.

What ever happened to just firing off rounds looking at the swimsuit issue?

jjreason wrote:

anarky wrote:All this ReGen One butt sex is getting old. I want some fucking ass-to-mouth from Misfire and Axer.

What ever happened to just firing off rounds looking at the swimsuit issue?

That stopped when everyone realized the Internet (with actual nudity) made a swimsuit issue obsolete.
Someone should really tell the people that make swimsuit issues.

When people look at Swimsuit Issues now, they're thinking "Damn, I wish Kate Upton would just do some porn..."

A Baker's Dozen this week. Went to the counter with twelve, and he pulled MTMTE out of the stash behind the counter. I didn't feel like putting WaX-Men back. Not counting the two oneshots, only one First Issue this week.

Dark Avengers 188. The TBolts continue their alt universe fight with evil ersatz Avengers. Only two issues to go.

New Avengers 4. The Illuminati continue to act like raging assholes and debate whether to destroy a different Earth to save the Omniverse.

Daredevil 24. Matt and Foggy deal with the cancer. Matt breaks up with Kirsten. Matt fights rabid dogs that were Fedexed to his office. And Hank Pym too!

GIJoe 2. Jackass N00b Hashtag Tweets her location to Cobra. Things continue to go bad for the team.

GIJoe Special Missions 1. FIRST ISSUE. Scarlett's "covert" team races Cobra to the salvage of the cargo ship that sank in the last series with $40 Billion in it. Kinda limp.

Nova 2. The continuing decompressed adventures of the new tween Nova. Let's just say if this were Amazing Fantasy 15, we've reached page 3.

Superior Otto 6. Jester and Screwball prank Mayor Jameson, so Otto tracks them down and beats the filthy fucking shite out of them live on their webcast. The Avengers decide they may have to fire Spidey.

Transformers MTMTE 15. Overlord breaks out of his cell. Autobots die. Many, many Autobots.

Transformers: Fall of Cybertron Oneshot. An $8 comic based on the video game that collects some digital issues, I think. It explains why Grimlock is a Dinobot who talks in third person and why Shockwave is missing his right hand. Not bad.

X-Factor 253. Hell on Earth War continues. Lots of Hell Lords double crossing each other and X-Factor stuck in the middle. Monet finds out she's dying.

WaX-Men 26. Wolverine's long lost brother, Dog, shows up and wants to kill Logan. Why? It's been over a hundred years. Why do you care what your half brother had been doing all this time? Also, how have you avoided crossing paths with the one guy in the Marvel Universe who's literally met everyone else? Seriously. I dropped this at just the right time. Just plain silly.

All New X-Men 9. Kitty runs the O5 thru the Danger Room and finds out Young Scott talked to Mystique. Mystique and Sabretooth break Lady Mastermind out of SHIELD. And Cyclops and his Uncanny X-Men show up on the last page. Wicked.

X-Termination 1. Part of some crossover. Haven't read it yet.

Game of Thrones 13 and GI Joe 2. Looks like I need to go back & get Special Missions 1.

I had some Amazon credits I was saving, but decided to use them anyway and ordered the three Firefly/Serenity hardcover collections (since it looks like one of them has more content than the paperback, and they're all within a couple of bucks, and I'm anal and like them to match GOD DAMN YOU IDW FOR ONLY RELEASING HEARTS AND MINDS IN HARDBACK AND SOLICITING IT AS A PAPERBACK AND NOW I HAVE ONE FUCKING GIJOE HARDCOVER AND IT'S THE SHITTIEST ONE TO BOOT!!!).

Anyway, they shipped yesterday afternoon and someone must've set a land speed record because they're already here. The funny thing about Amazon: if you're in no hurry, your order will take a day or two; if you are, it'll arrive at the absolute last minute or, occasionally, late.