the vynsane asylum

In an alternate reality, you knocked that spider off your hand before it bit you, but you were so entranced by its webbing, you went back home and invented ParkerWeb TM and sold it to 3M for millions, then wisely invested in Stark Intl, and At&T. Then you spread it all around during that internet investing boom, but got out early and made such a ridiculous amount of money that you own Hawaii. You got a PhD in biophysics and do consulting work for Reed Richards. You married Gwen Stacy and had lots of brilliant, beautiful babies. Your sex life started getting a little boring, so Gwen called your old next door neighbor, MJ Watson over. It turns out MJ and Gwen are both bi curious, so now you have hot sloppy three ways with them every night, and sometimes you invite over the cute little checkout girl at the grocery store. Basically you have the best life anyone could ever hope for....

Then it all got retconned away because you found out it was an alternate reality created by an insane Scarlet Witch, and got pulled back into your regular shitty life. Sucks to be you, Spider-Man.

PS your Aunt and/or Wife just got assassinated and you are wearing the black costume again because the Spider-Man 3 movie is coming out this summer and Marvel comics is now slave to Hollywood. Suck it up, bitch.

Wow, the hits keep coming! In order to save your Aunt's life, you have to give up all knowledge and memory of your marriage and the existence of your uber-hottie super model, fucks like an all star trophy wife.

That's right shmuck. You choose the decrepid 90 year old over the smokin' hot redhead. It's a Brand New Day, asshole!

Hey, if One More Day ever finishes, you're either going to A) lose your wife to save your old-ass aunt's life; or B) suddenly decide you're gay and marry Venom, lose both arms, and discover you're the reincarnation of an alien who visited earth in ancient Greece.

You don't remember any of this, do you, Pete?

The rest of us do.

aw, that's just mean.

Hey Spider-Man, you probably don't remember this, but you got Mary Jane and Gwen drunk one night and they gave you a rampaging menage, and you all moved into the same place and spent 20 out of every 24 hours fucking like crazy, stopping only to eat delicious meals that both girls prepared wearing nothing but clingy little aprons and tennis shoes. This went on for several years and you were the happiest man alive.


That happened.

Or maybe it didn't.

You can't remember either way, butt nozzle.

Ha ha, chump.

Captain of all things Spidey, My copy is back in Iowa, but I could have sworn Peter celebrated his thirtieth birthday in this one. Am I wrong? Was it implied? Am I just incredibly dense?

I brought this up as contention on another forum in BND Peter is all the sudden 25ish and I wondered how Mephisto de-aged Peter as part of his "deal with the devil". But then somebody said he was never thirty to begin with and now I'm doubting myself because I can't go to the source and check, what with my source being 1800 miles away in a storage shed...

It's "all of A sudden."

Get it right, jerky.

How do I offend thee, sirrah?

i'll have to take a look. i can't remember off the top of my head. or the bottom.

IIRC it's Peter thinking to himself about being around that age.... but I can't remember for sure either. I know that the creators intended for him to be around 30 when he was teaching - and Cyclops is supposed to be around that age as well.

Spider-Man & Stephen Colbert Team Up In Amazing Spider-Man #573!

On the one hand, I'm thinking, "Cool, they're doing something to get the people who should be reading comics and aren't. And it's like the crazy old SNL and Letterman crossovers they used to do back in the day."

On the other, "So, Colbert is actually a serious candidate for president in the MU. And Spider-Man is an unregistered vigilante and wanted by the law for this reason. What the hell is going on here?"

Are they going for an actual tone change in their output? Or is this going to be, as I suspect, a fluke?

And doesn't it seem just a little screwy that Colbert being an actual candidate in the MU was more than a one-off joke? Is Quesada this guy's brother, or his gay lover, or what?

And why is Marvel previewing this with artwork that may be one of the worst likenesses of Colbert aside from the fake Liefeld drawing I'm too lazy to draw?

anarky wrote:And why is Marvel previewing this with artwork that may be one of the worst likenesses of Colbert aside from the fake Liefeld drawing I'm too lazy to draw?

and a pretty awful rendition of spidey himself, as well. i'd be more likely to excuse a bad likeness of colbert if spidey looked the way he should, though i guess it makes more sense that they both suck. except for the fact that it's a SPIDER-MAN COMIC!!!!