the vynsane asylum

"No. There's not. Nor is there any chance of getting Yarna, a Twin Pod Cloud Car or anything else anyone who actually liked the original Star Wars movies when they were coming out would ever want. Please stop asking, we're busy trying to put the finishing touches on this repaint of the repaint of the POTF2 Jawas 2 pack. Did we mention we're only including one the weapons for this version?"

Hasbro, are you at all concerned that Sideshow is making your products look completely inferior and lame? What if all the mature hobbyists you're so continually denying matter to your sales jump ship and decide to buy things that are - heaven forbid - worth the money for a change?

"While I'd like to comment, Michael Bay has instructed us not to do so yet. Hope you were happy about the Peter Cullen announcement."

What exactly is Dell's title at Hasbro?

duh i do not work 4 habsro u retardo but if i did they would make nekad women action figures & i woud do them & u would be sad b cause their would b no naked men figures 4 u faggs

ooh i burned ur punk bich asses again, i am so good u guys suck ding dongs lol

"Dell is the material supplier for the new EU figures. His position consists of climbing down into the septic tank out back, gathering up all the day's turds (probably eats one or two) then takes them over to the factory where the turds are molded into the new upcoming expanded universe line. Before the EU line came about, Dell was responsible for removing our brains and replacing them with the aforementioned poop."


So, Hasbro. Looks like it will be two years in a row with a really nice internet exclusive multi-figure packs (astromechs and Imperial Officers). How long until the guy who came up with those get his lobotomy?

"Oh don't worry, Rogue II. He's been scheduled for his Hasbro lobotomy, and will undertake it shortly. We're expecting his 'back to work' project to be the TIE Fighter Pilot/Strawberry Shortcake 2 pack. We know you'll love it!"

Hasbro, with your incredible love for repaints, how is it that you've not repainted the Twin Pod Cloud Car yet? Are you too concerned about people liking the product, or simply too occupied with trying to alienate your Original Trilogy collectors?

"Hey, thanks for asking. We're listening, and we really do care. A repaint of the highly demanded Expanded Universe Cloud Car will be forthcoming in 2008, and will include a pack-in of the always popular Cantina Han Solo."

Given how important they were in the Saga, how many of them there were, and the fact that they had two movies and a TV series on their own, what do you have against Ewoks?

"Don't get your panties in a bunch! We're expecting sales of the new Chief Chirpa figure to be inordiately high.... and are suggesting that Ewokophiles like yourself learn to make customs. Full cases of Chief Chirpa figures will be available shortly, for only a few dollars more than double full retail value!"

Hasbro, do you realize how apparent you make your money-grubbing agenda by releasing articles like the Commemorative Tin Boxes (which include only one quasi-new figure per set)? Is that meant to insult intelligent fans, or are you truly trying to make something that collectors would like?

"How many time do we have to tell you to shut the fuck up and give us your money? Erm, excuse me. What I meant to say is thank you for bring up that interesting point. At this time we would like to introduce all of our fans to our new do-it-yourself lobotomy kit. We had some left over Vader helmets, so we converted them into these. Once you try one of these babies, you'll turn on your best friend and you wife just like Darth Vader did in ROTS. You won't hesitate to buy plenty of our colletor's tins or whatever other recycled garbage we slap the Star Wars logo on for the next 10 years or so."


We know you read our posts on various fan sites. Have you read anything about how Zizzle is making playsets for their Pirates line?

"No. We're too busy playing with our kick-ass pirate ship and thinking of new, exciting ways to color that quick-draw ROTS Clonetrooper to even look at any nerds complaining on geek-sites."

Hasbro, off the subject of Star Wars for a moment, why can you not get the basics of what made the original GIJoe: A Real American Hero such an iconic success, and keep doing inferior rehashes instead of a decent, updated version of the original?

"We still make GI Joe?"


Dear Hasbro, why is it that every Nemoidian you guys have made to date has peg-warmed? I was in a few different Walmarts and Targets this weekend, and every one of them had a peg-full of the latest Nemoidian (I don't know who it is because I just don't care). Hell, even Lott Dodd from the Saga line was still in KB outlet stores until earlier this year.

What a wonderful question! We hear the fan demand, and we'll soon be releasing straight cases of everyone's favorite Star Wars character and figure, the Neimoidian Warrior! Look out for the special chase version of this figure: it comes with a pistol so you can blow out your own brains after seeing this figure eight hundred thousand fucking times!

Hasbro, when will we see a new Qui-Gon Jinn figure?

When we see a new Star Wars movie is when you will see a new QGJ figure

Have you ever eaten the head of a figure and shit it back out? Is that how Lucas came up with Jar Jar?

No, he came up with Jar Jar because that was the sound his son made as a baby after George slapped the shit out of him for eating something.

Hasbro, why did you give the E1 Gasgano figure a CommTech chip if Gasgano never talked?

Thank you for asking. At this time I'd like to direct your attention to these super neat-o Tonka trucks. Vrooom!!! Beep beep! Zoom!!! Look out!!! Errrrrrrrrrr...CRASH!!! Ka-Boom!!!

How many of you guys still have plastic missles lodged in your brain from designing the POTF2 R5-D4?

Twelve.

Hasbro, how do you consider 8% of the vote (less than a 2% margin) a mandate?