What have you watched lately?

[jjreason]

Christopher Nolan's Dunkirk. Not long or dragged out at all - but not really choc full o'character development, either. It was fine for what it was, but it certainly wasn't anything close to 1917.

[Diabolical]

Step Brothers. Would you believe I've never seen it? My wife doesn't like that sort of movie, and I've heard it's not good for kids, and never got to watch it on any of the occasions where I watch movies by myself. I figured the youngest is 13, and there's no way I wasn't watching worse at half his age.

Holy fuck.

Just boats and hos.

I mean, it lives up to its hype, and we were both in danger of pissing our pants for almost two hours. I hope those two work out their real life differences; they're one of the all-time best comedy duos.

Had I known that you'd never seen the greatest comedy of all-time before now, I would've flown to California just to kick you in the balls.

[anarky]

Step Brothers. Would you believe I've never seen it? My wife doesn't like that sort of movie, and I've heard it's not good for kids, and never got to watch it on any of the occasions where I watch movies by myself. I figured the youngest is 13, and there's no way I wasn't watching worse at half his age.

Holy fuck.

Just boats and hos.

I mean, it lives up to its hype, and we were both in danger of pissing our pants for almost two hours. I hope those two work out their real life differences; they're one of the all-time best comedy duos.

Had I known that you'd never seen the greatest comedy of all-time before now, I would've flown to California just to kick you in the balls.

It would've been a well-deserved nut kick.

Hell, you could've put your own nuts on my drum set, if I had one.

[anarky]

My wife does not usually like silly comedies.

My daughter does not usually like silly comedies.

My wife and daughter are out of town for a few days.

My son loves silly comedies as much as I do.

The Naked Gun 2 1/2. Some of the humor is dated. But not enough to prevent this being q masterpiece from the Zucker/Abrahams/Zuckerberg team. (Possibly their last? I recall the third being funny but a significant drop off.) Leslie Nielsen was fucking amazing in this flick. Hell, everyone was. It's textbook piss-your-pants slapstick.

Hot Shots. Another classic. It's actually much funnier than I recall. Abrahams, but no Zuckers, so still top shelf comedy. I just about shat myself when I saw Efram Zimbalist Jr in the opening credits, and couldn't not hear Alfred whenever his character talked.

Anarky Jr approved of both. I'm debating if he's old enough for the Kentucky Fried Movie. I'm not sure anyone is. I'm not, though it's never stopped me from watching it.

[anarky]

The Kentucky Fried Movie.

Kid's in bed.

Fuck it.

I haven't seen this in a couple of years. It's still one of the funniest fucking movies ever made. Possibly even more offensive than it was 45 years or so ago. And the capital of Nebraska is Lincoln!

[Diabolical]

Alfred was in Hot Shots? Who did he play?
It's one one of my favorite comedies, and I'm overdue for a viewing, but it's been a while since I've seen it.

[anarky]

Alfred was in Hot Shots? Who did he play?
It's one one of my favorite comedies, and I'm overdue for a viewing, but it's been a while since I've seen it.

Wilson, the asshole corporate guy who's trying to undermine everything.

I wouldn't have known him by sight, but his name was in the opening credits. The second his character showed up and opened his mouth, it was obvious. He wasn't doing exactly the same voice, but definitely recognizable.

[Tom Foolery]

The Kentucky Fried Movie.

Another hilarious movie from that era, in the same vein…

Amazon Women on the Moon.

[anarky]

I haven't watched either today (yet), but today is the fortieth birthday of two of the greatest flicks of the 80s, The Karate Kid and Top Secret!

And it's also the forty-fifth birthday of Escape from Alcatraz.

[Tom Foolery]

Shooter. Sniper redneck Wahlberg gets framed for an assassination attempt on the President and retaliates. Decent action flick from Antoine Fuqua.

Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox story. John C Reilly in a spoof of all music biopics. This is climbing the ranks of evergreen movies I can constantly rewatch.

Bad Boys 4. Another decent action flick. Nothing groundbreaking, but Will and Martin have a fun dynamic. They gave Reggie, the nerdy prom date kid from the original movie, a badass action sequence where he kills like 15 bad guys. Also, every time I see Vanessa Hudgens in anything, I’m reminded we got to see her hedgehog in those leaked photos.

[Tom Foolery]

Poor Things. To paraphrase the nut salesman in Kung Pow, "THAT'S A LOT OF BOOBS!" Emma Stone spends a pretty good chunk of the movie fucking. But it's not nearly as hot as that sentence might imply. (She mostly fucks Bruce Banner and Eedy Karn from Andor, as well as even uglier people.) The movie is a gorgeous, somewhat disturbing, fairy tale that appears to be loosely based on Frankenstein and maybe Candide. Tim Burton probably took one look at it and decided it was too weird for him. Even though it's a very different movie, it reminds me a lot of Amélie, a truly great artsy movie that kind of surprised me by being as popular as it was in the mainstream. (This and the fucking Kardashians should not exist simultaneously in the same universe. Granted, the Kardashians should only exist in a dirty toilet, for a split second before they're flushed.)

Man, you weren’t kidding. Did she have prosthetic nipples or are her tittles really all scarred up like that? Also, when you realize all these guys are fucking what is essentially a toddler, you are like ‘should I keep watching this?’ Also, I’m not entirely convinced that chick wasn’t just straight up eating her box. I thought maybe they were gonna put Willem Dafoe’s brain in the asshole’s body, but they went the goat route instead. Probably won’t ever rewatch it, but it’s gonna be stuck in my head for awhile. And not just because of the perpetually naked Emma Stone.

[anarky]

Mary and the Witch's Flower. I was in the mood for something by Studio Ghibli, but not something I've seen a dozen times, and not one of their weird-looking ones like Pom Poko (which I've fallen asleep twice trying to watch) or My Neighbors the Yamadas. The Boy and the Heron isn't available here yet. Thankfully, there a ton of "Ghibli-adjacent" movies like this one, the first movie from the studio founded by the former head animator of Ghibli, who apparently still works for Ghibli sometimes, not sure what's up with that, I'm guessing he wants to work with Miyazaki but expects Ghibli to crumble when Miyazaki inevitably dies of old age (he's 83 and has retired and un-retired more times than Ozzy Osbourne) and doesn't want to be stuck there at that point? In any case, it would've been a solid mid-tier Ghibli film, which means it's better than 99% of the output of the rest of the world. Not nearly as powerful as Spirited Away or Kiki's Delivery Service, but a lot of the same themes. And, needless to say, absolutely gorgeous to watch.

Harley Quinn. Cheating here, as it's a series, and I've been watching off and on whenever I can for over a year, since my wife has no interest and it's absolutely not for the kids. I finally finished it (at least what's out.) This show is fucking brilliant. It just completely shits all over everything about the DC Universe, but in a respectful way, if that makes any sense. As of the Season 4 finale, Harley joined and left the Bat-family, Poison Ivy led and quit the Legion of Doom, Bane is a fucking idiot who's become the second greatest pasta maker in Italy, Batman just got out of jail, Joker served as mayor for a while and got bored with being good, Riddler and Clock King are a super duper stereotype gay couple, King Shark is a lovable family man, Jim Gordon is head of security for the Legion of Doom, Alfred was briefly a superhero called the Macaroni (which is absurd as it sounds) and is in jail because he was trying to serve time with Bruce but timed it badly. Oh, and Nightwing just came back from the dead, Babs is in a wheelchair, and it looks like next season will be about the Gotham City Sirens since everyone thinks Birds of Prey is a stupid name. Basically, everything is as wrong as you can imagine, and it's fucking hilarious. I haven't watched Velma Season 2, but Season 1 of that show clearly wanted to be this and mostly fizzled (though it's not nearly as bad as online haters claim, just okay). Definitely check it out. But not with kids. It'd make Deadpool blush.

[Tom Foolery]

The Aristocrats. A documentary they made back in 2005 about the filthiest joke in the world that comedians all tell each other, to see who can top themselves. It was a fun watch, but it bummed me out how many of them are no longer with us.

[anarky]

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret of the Ooze

These were on some channel in the hotel we were staying at, and the youngest turned them on.

I'm not sure I've seen them back to back before. Wow. It makes the shift in tone so much more jarring. The first is dated, and occasionally hokey, but mostly a faithful adaptation of several Mirage stories. And far darker than the mainstream public expected the Turtles could be. Still one of the best superhero movies.

Watching them together, the second seems so much worse than I recall. It was rushed, and it shows. Recasting April was a phenomenal mistake, as was just ignoring the existence of Casey Jones. Keno, what the fuck was that, aside from yet another example of a terrible idea being made worse when it's just dropped going forward.

Tokka and Rahzar, both good ideas, bad execution. Every time I see them on screen, I want to yell STATION! There's something about them that reminds me of that crazy Martian scientist duo.

The whole movie is just fucking silly. And I've always considered, from my original viewing in high school, for it to have one of the most disappointing finales in film. "Ooh, we're finally getting a proper throwdown. Wait, no we're not. More silly pseudo combat. Vanilla Ice? What the fuck is that dipshit doing here? Twenty-five years from now, I'll know he's a washed-up fucktard doing reality shows, but for now this stupid fucker is everywhere and I'm fucking sick of him. More silly fighting. Fucking use your weapons!!! Vanilla Ice is going to rap? About the Turtles? Tokka, rip his fucking head off. Oh, here's Shredder. He looks like his costume cost two bucks in the JoAnn Fabric trashcan. But he's Shredder. FUCK OFF OUT OF HERE, KENO, YOU FUCKING RETARD!!! Did... they just kill Shredder with a guitar? Okay, maybe they didn't. HOLY FUCKING SHIT SHREDDER'S BACK AND HE HULKED THE FUCK OUT AND THIS IS FINALLY GONNA GET--wait, he's dead already? They fucking made Shredder giant and he knocked a fucking pier on himself in less than five seconds? FUUUUUUUUUUUCK!!!!!!!!! At least if this shit doesn't tank the series, maybe we can get a third and bring back Casey. No way could they fuck that up."

Speaking of which, the third just started. It already sucks as badly as I remember. I just never realized II is just as bad. Maybe if we stay here long enough to watch the whole pile of shit, I'll be back to rant later. For now, I still wonder what the fuck was up with Elias Koteas playing two characters, which is obviously intentional since April already mistook Feudal Elias for Casey, and it's never fucking addressed why.

At least the series does end on a huge fucking bang in TMNT, though only after setting up a fifth installment that never happened.

[Diabolical]

1. Paige Turco was way hotter than Judith Hoag.
And Hoag might have been asked back if she wasn't a complaining bitch on set.

2. Ninja Rap might be one of the top 10 songs of the 90's, so shut your damn mouth.