the vynsane asylum

Um, I'm sorry. Did you say something?

Hasbro, will you please either resculpt an accurate Dr Evazan, or make some sort of Goof Troop Battlepack so we have some other Goofy characters to use with the one from 1997?

Would you mind showing us your breasts?

How about Padme's mother? When will we see that hot piece of ass made into a figure?

We can't discuss anything, but we might get to it eventually.

There are a zillion normal black Darth Vaders, one Silver exclusive, one red Holiday Edition, and now you announce a blue holo-Vader. Will you do us a favor and quit making Darth Vader figures for a while?

Quit making Vaders? But we still have all sorts of Vaders to do! There's St Patrick's Day Green Vader, Gay Pride Rainbow Vader, Volleyball Uniform Vader, Vader in Zorro Disguise, and the Vader/Strawberry Shortcake "Tea Party" Battlepack, to name just a very few of the many Vaders you'll see announced at CIV.

Hasbro, seriously. You have no plans to make a new Evazan, or a Yarna, or any of the Lars family. Why the fuck a super-articulated 4-LOM then?

The NRA owns 51% of Hasbro. We can't make Yarna and the Lars Family because they don't have guns, unlike 4-LOM and the other bounty hunters. We're not making Evazan just to piss you off.

How about a new Jabba with his Dias and some of his goons in a battlepack that is similar size to the Bantha set?

Enough with the fucking Jabba questions. You people realize that if we made all the figures you keep whining about, you wouldn't have anything to whine about? We are doing you a FAVOR by not making these figures. So eat it, Urkel.




As long as you are making a crappy undersized Sith Infiltrator, is there any chance of you ever making IG-88's IG-2000 or Zuckuss and 4-LOM's ship (Mist Hunter??) in a crappy undersized format as well?

We prefer undersized, which is why we've done everything from the vintage Millenium Falcon to the new Sith Infiltrator in that fashion. We don't like to feel less secure about our collective manhood so in efforts to combat this, we make everything small...... just like us!

Can you please stop making Star Wars toys? I'm sick of both looking for them AND buying them.

We cannot go into great detail at this time, but we do have plans to stop once people- let's call them "Ohcyt" and "Las Retsam Idej"- stop buying 15,000 of each figure produced.

When will we see more "potato heads"?

Don't you people have something better to do with your money that buy potato heads? Why don't you try buying some more of those custom choppers that are still on the shelves, those collectors tins, or work on buying every Legends figure we throw at you.

If collectors quit asking for things like Jabba, Yarna, Lars Family, and the Cloud Car and start asking for more things like re-releasing the Cruisemissle trooper and some of those other POTF2-era EU ships, what figures and vehicles would be upcoming in the Star Wars line?

We're glad you asked, and we think you'll be very happy with the Legends Vehicles line. It's coming later in 2007 and will feature a fan-favorite vehicle and a new figure to make everybody happy!
*Cruisemissile Trooper with Jabba the Hutt
*Swoop Bike with Dr. Evazan
*Sith Infiltrator with Cliegg Lars
*AT-AT with Yarna d'al Gargan
All of which will be exclusive to Mexican Toys R Us stores and cost roughly $250 each. You'll buy them and fucking like them.

All the current figures are hard as fuck to find, since people actually want them. Why aren't you shipping more of them?

Because we heard a rumor that some prick faggot named "John" out in Colorado was getting really bitter over not being able to find the newest figures. We'll fuck his ass!

Will we ever see a repack of the Imperial Shuttle for those who weren't as fortunate as me to pick one up?

We're glad you asked! We really do care! We--

Sorry, the record got stuck. We'll be reissuing the massively popular Imperial Shuttle/Palpatine Transformer this summer for everyone who missed out. Due to the surefire popularity of the wonderful work of art that Michael Bay is delivering in July, we expect interest to be extraordinarily high for this item. That's why we're encouraging retailers to order only Star Wars Transformers, and will be shipping entire cases of Palpatine. And, since we know (just as you do) that retailers don't always know what's best when ordering toys, we're going to assume all orders for TAC figures, VTAC figures, Saga Legends figures, vehicles, Titaniums, Galactic Heroes, and Unleashed are mistakes, and actually orders for this incredibly popular item, and we'll ship the full cases of Palpatine instead of whatever items they mistakenly asked for.

Hasbro, seriously, if you actually read fan sites, the way you claim to, why is it that we never seem to get what we really want?

We do read websites! We read up on this one, and have decided to embrace the latest trends in the online community.

First, instead of offering new figures in 2008, we will be reissuing the most popular figures (including ROTS Yoda and the Neimoidian Warrior) in brand new "We only came for the nachos" packaging. Each will include a replica nacho for the figure to hold, as well as a coupon for cheese for yourself. Better hurry! The coupons expire in July 2007.

Next, we'll be issuing a new "Pirates vs Ninjas" Battlepack. This will be the only Battlepack issued next year, so we're encouraging all retailers to order this one in large amounts. It includes everyone's favorite Star Wars pirate, POTJ Cantina Han Solo, vs the black-clad, sword-wielding murderous mammal, ROTS Darth Vader! We're sure you'll love it.

Hasbro, what is the status of the Transformers Classics line? Why are you focusing so much attention and resources on this carbon-based turd that's going to bomb at the box office?