BM

[anarky]

I swear, the most wonderful feeling is when you have those really painful stomach cramps and you know it's diarrhea and you sit for like half an hour on the toilet with no results...

...and then there's this massive explosion of foamy liquid poo, and you know your ass is going to burn and you'll have to clean the toilet and will be making runs back and forth for another couple of hours, but that pressure on your abdomen is just suddenly gone.

[Tom Foolery]

The other day I was thinking about when you drop a masssive turd, and then your stomach starts growling because your body knows you need to replace the “nutrients” it just jettisoned or whatever. Makes no sense.

[jjreason]

Bit of a strange one to report. Had, what I believed based on feel to be a small to medium sized " no wiper", meaning it came out pretty dry. When I went to do the obligatory dab, however, there was a significant bit of slime to clean up.

I wasn't able to examine the specimen very well at all due to paper obstruction, but it was certainly orange in color. Getting older is weird. Feels like I can't trust anything any more.

[Tom Foolery]

BM related. Because I turned 50, my doctor recommended I get a colonoscopy as a precaution. It’s scheduled for next month, like the week before Christmas.

I will NOT be posting the footage here. You perverts.

[jjreason]

Butt footage is best footage.

[anarky]

BM related. Because I turned 50, my doctor recommended I get a colonoscopy as a precaution. It’s scheduled for next month, like the week before Christmas.

I will NOT be posting the footage here. You perverts.

Kind of related: a few weeks ago, I had what I later learned was a much more intense reflux episode than I've ever experienced. I thought it was an allergic reaction, so I took Benadryl. Then I had trouble pissing. Like major, major trouble getting anything to come out. Not going to lie, it was scary. So I made an appointment with my doctor, thinking I had a bad UTI.

Come to find out, it was being 49 that did it. I'm more susceptible to acid reflux if I eat something right before bed, since I'm a fossil. And, like I mentioned, I thought it was an allergic reaction and, having food allergies, I always have Benadryl on hand. I haven't had to take it in a while (food allergies are usually pretty easy to avoid if it's the type where you actually have to eat something), and, lo and behold, somewhere around 50-ish, Benadryl and other antihistamines of that sort become a big no-no. They make your prostate swell. A lot. And quickly.

The doctor figured it out, but said, given the circumstances, it was time to get the dreaded prostate check, especially since that's where my dad's cancer originated. As she said, it shouldn't be so bad since her finger is about half the size of a male doctor. (She's a short Asian lady, a couple of years older than me, and, well, at the risk of sounding a bit racist, Asian women tend to seem to stop aging in their 30s, until it randomly all catches up to them overnight around 65-70.) Prostate is fine, by the way. Antihistamine swelling goes down on its own within a day or two.

Needless to say, I got out of the appointment, called my wife, and, before even telling her everything was a result of my dumb ass not knowing how to treat my old ass body, I said, "I went into a room and I was alone with this cute lady and she took my pants off and stuck her finger up my asshole and wiggled it around." (She was confused as fuck for a minute and I had to explain myself. Then I could hear her roll her eyes over the phone.)

[Diabolical]

And then you said:
"Also, and this is totally, 100% unrelated, but I have a new kink I want to try in bed tonight..."

[Ran]

And then you said:
"Also, and this is totally, 100% unrelated, but I have a new kink I want to try in bed tonight..."

"Did I say two?" - Anarky (probably).

[anarky]

Weirdest thing about getting old:

I wake up in the morning. I go to the bathroom. Even if I feel like I have to poop, nothing will come out. I get up and go about my business.

In 30-60 minutes, suddenly I will feel like I've never shat in my entire life and am about to have explosive diarrhea. I rush to the bathroom, and it's not actually diarrhea, but it's goddamned huge. And I look at my 43-kilo turd with a tear in my eye, admiring its girth and beauty, and say, "Where the fuck were you an hour ago? If there's that much shit in me, it didn't just show up in the last few minutes."

Apparently because you can dehydrate more quickly in your sleep as you age. Who knew?

[Tom Foolery]

I had one last week I dubbed ‘the walrus’ because it was brown and proportionately wrinkled like a walrus. Where it pinched off, it even had what looked like the little whisker mustache. The only thing missing were the tusks. It would be weird to take photos of turds(I know the internet is full of deviants, but that ain’t me) but for the sake of posterity I considered it. The resemblance was that uncanny.

[Ran]

There is a show on the History Channel called "Mysteries Unearthed with Danny Trejo". They go over weird things people have dug up. Aztec pyramids, fossils, typical archeological stuff. But then they get to this bad boy. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lloyds_Bank_coprolite

Yep. It's a petrified 8-inch long, 2-inch wide Viking turd that was laid back in the 9th century. Naturally, they put it in a museum, because that is where 1,100 year old 8-inch long petrified turds belong.