the vynsane asylum

Hmmm. That's a big maybe. Leaning toward yes, but not 100% there. Depends on exactly how "fat and nasty" the wife is.

Edit: Looks like FatherFucker1138 beat me. A big ol' "No" to his. Not worth it.

Here's the situation: Assume you're single, if you're not already. You can have a magical wife. You're stuck with her forever; if you leave, you die a painful death.

When you're alone, she is absolutely perfect. She never ages, she is the absolute hottest woman in the world in your eyes (and her appearance can change depending on your mood). She is the most amazing cook, she's an expert with any kind of odd job you may need (car repair, fixing a leaky faucet), and she'll masterfully handle all your finances for you. She needs no possessions or medical care, so, aside from food, she doesn't drain your money in any way. Oh, and did I mention that, whenever you're in the mood, she's a nymphomaniac and freakier than any woman who ever existed? Plus she has restorative powers in her orifices--you could put a cow in there if, for some sick reason, you wanted to, and it would still be as tight as ever.

And she exists just to serve and please you. But she's more than capable of having an intelligent conversation on any subject you wish. And she magically makes $1500 a month, after taxes.

However, when anyone else is around, it's a totally different story. She has crooked horn-rimmed glasses, mousey hair, horrific teeth, acne, and a flat chest. She picks her nose, mumbles her words, has uncontrollable gas, and dresses like the nerdiest girl you can possible imagine. She's almost entirely socially incompetent, and she'll nag you over stupid things. And she butts into conversations with wrong or impertinent information. And she'll age as if she were normal in the eyes of other people.

However, you cannot keep her away from other people. You have to live as a normal couple, going into public and interacting with friends and family. Everyone will dislike you, though most people won't admit it to your face. They'll think your wife is a loser, and that you are an idiot. You will never be able to convince them otherwise, and you have to live with that knowledge.

Is it worth it?

So, if I took a picture of her, how does it turn out, the hot wife or the mo'fugly bitch? IF I can have a picture of a hottie, at least i can say i was cheating on her.

If you take a picture or video of her, it will be hot if only you see it. But show it to someone else, and it will automatically change to the fugly girl. I can't explain how. It's magic, remember?

And if you ever cheat or act like you're not devoted to her, you die.

no, I couldnt do it. Unless, I could push her around in a wheelchair and claim my love for retards is why I married her.





You, five guy friends and Mr. Whipple all go hunting for the weekend. You come across a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow. The Leprechaun tells you that you can take all the gold you can hold, if he, your five friends and Mr. Whipple take turns reaming your ass every which way til Tuesday, and by Tuesday I mean the third Tuesday of December in 2036. So basically, everyday until then, one of these 7 people will be digging your colon like they are looking for Davey Jones Locker

Ouch. No. Thirty straight years of daily buggery isn't worth any amount of gold that I could actually carry.

You can solve all the conflicts in the Middle East and undo all damage done. This does not mean there will be eternal world peace, but all problems between Israelis and Palestinians, Americans and Al Qaeda, Christians and Muslims--every conflict directly related to the Middle East--will be totally wiped away, and those particular issues will never be a problem again. Anyone who died as a direct result of any of these conflicts will be restored to life, and those who are really sick, demented fucks (Hussain, bin Laden, etc), will be killed (if they're not already dead).

To achieve this, you have to buttfuck Saddam Hussein's corpse while tossing Osama's salad, as George Bush reams your asshole. You only have to endure this for thirty minutes. And then, to thank you for your contributions to world peace, the cheerleader from Heroes will striptease for you while Rachael Ray gives you an amazing blowjob. You'll then be paid $5,000 cash.

This final part will be secret, but everyone in the world will know of the gay three-way. Audio will be broadcast on all radio stations, and the event will be aired on pay-per-view. Most people will respect your sacrifice, but everyone will know about it, and it will be in the back of their mind whenever you deal with anyone else.

No. Gold is heavy, and I doubt anyone could carry enough to make 30 years of rectal reaming worth it.

You are promised to have the superpowers of your choice. But to get them, you have to blow a donkey while taking it in the rear from Sigfried followed by Roy.

I already beat you, honkey.

Answer the other question.

dammit.

No. It looks like someone will have to find another way to make world peace. Bin Laden has been living in a cave for 6 years. Arabs don't use deoderant in the first place. Do you know how bad his taint must smell?


Now...
You are promised to have the superpowers of your choice. But to get them, you have to blow a donkey while taking it in the rear from Sigfried followed by Roy.

Who's making this promise? It's not a guy who just walks up to me on the street, wearing an inner-tube and a trenchcoat, is it?

Some guy in a van dressed like a donkey.

Then hell no! I never trust guys in vans dressed as donkeys. Not after... well, never mind.

Imagine the hottest female news anchor, weather girl, or traffic girl on your local TV stations. (Yeah, this will vary for everyone, but I'm sure someone pops immediately to mind.) Now imagine the second hottest.

These two lovely ladies will, over the course of a weekend, allow you to watch them make lesbian love (for an hour or so), and let you have one quickie and one blowjob each from both of them. Then, every day during their appearances on air for a week, will talk about how amazing you were in the sack and encourage all the ladies in the viewing area to look you up for a good time.

To do this, you must first engage in a game of naked Twister with all the male members of their news team(s). You do not have to win, but you must make the effort to do so. You then have to go on air on the local NPR station, saying that it was the most fun experience of your life.

Done, provided I have someone watching over my ass. I actually don't mind talking to the scrotes... but trying to sleep, eat and shit locked in with one might be another story altogether.

So, would you walk away from your wife & family FOREVER for all the money you could ever spend? Oh, and you get to bang pretty much every chick you want, forever amen - except the odd one that turns you down just to keep you grounded. That won't happen often though, cause you'll be a playa.

I don't have a wife or kids so it's a yes from me.

You could fuck any SW chick from any of the films (as they appeared in them), but you immediately then have to eat out both of Lucas's daughters while Jett chews on your sack. Yes or no?