Marvel Universe

[RoIIo Tomassi]

The new Nova probably isn't Richard Ryder, who's been Nova since the book came out in the 70s. Most likely it will be the Nova from the Ultimate Spidey cartoon crossing over into official Marvel canon.
His name is Sam Alexander. Which is the name of Jeph Loeb's dead son. Loeb is writing Nova(and as head of Marvel Television had input into the USM cartoon) and decided to make his dead son the new Nova.


So, how long before the new Nova gets bone cancer and dies?

I don't have a problem with them ditching Ryder. But Loeb's writing has sucked for a good many years now, and now he's using this book as his own personal therapy session. Kinda like when his writing buddy Geoff Johns(they share a writing studio called the Magic Acorn Tree Buttplug Factory or some shit. Look it up) created the Mary Sue character of Stargirl to stand in for his dead kid sister, and there's been a standing DC rule that no hair on her head is to be harmed ever. If you wanna make your dead kid a superhero, take it to fucking Image. Or crawl in a bottle. Or see a shrink like everybody else.

[anarky]

Did they kill Ryder? Or just forget him? Maybe he can be on a team with Sleepwalker and Motormouth sometime.

There are ways to homage real people. I know a lot of Joes are apparently named after Hama's army buddies from Vietnam. Couldn't tell you which (I'm guessing not Skip A. Stone). Whoever they are, they get treated like everyone else. I'm sure an awful lot of other characters in various books are named after people, and no one's immortal as a result of a misguided therapy session.

[RoIIo Tomassi]

At the end of Thanos Imperative Nova and Starlord hauled Thanos into the dying Cancerverse and shut the portal behind them. The last we saw of them, they were charging at an omnipotent Thanos all Butch Sundance style. Then we cut to a memorial service and a statue of them both.

But since Thanos is back in Avengers Assemble, and Starlord is getting his own movie, chances are Rider will be back as well.

But the new book still stars Loeb's dead kid.

[anarky]

Looking at Newsarama and their comments on the article on FB, people seem to hate Rage.

I always thought he was pretty cool. A bit hackneyed, but not as bad as a lot of shit from the same time.

[RoIIo Tomassi]

I always thought of Rage as sorta Luke Cage meets Billy Batson. Which is a cool concept if you think about it.

Oh, and people on the Internet hate stuff. No matter what. It's kinda their thing.

[anarky]

They tried to lump him in with all the questionable black heroes from the 70s-early 90s, dumb shit like Rocket Racer--I think the article even mentioned him having a skateboard, which I don't recall at all.

I re-read his origin story when it was on Comic Book Legends Revealed a couple of months back. I didn't realize it was Hama. It's still good stuff today. His grandmother making him promise to use his brains whenever possible and not violence, despite him making Michael Clarke Duncan look like a stringbean, was an excellent touch.

You also get the added, somewhat tragic, element not found in Billy Batson: he's a nice, geeky 10-year-old (or thereabouts), but he never has the chance to look it. He's always this enormous guy who's going to scare the hell out of people. Think about that. He can't have too many friends or go to school or do any normal kid things, or people will figure out who he is really damned quick.

Michael Clarke Duncan as Rage in Avengers II? I'd buy that for a dollar.

[RoIIo Tomassi]

Duncan will be dead of a heart attack before A2 comes out.
You need to start skewing younger with your hypothetical casting, mate.

It always bugged me they took their time introducing Rage in the Avengers, then after the reveal, they didn't do anything with him and he got scuttled off to the farm team over in New Warriors.

[anarky]

I didn't realize how long it's been since I last saw him in a movie. Doesn't help that he sounds the same when doing voice-over work.

[anarky]

Where the fuck is Grimlock? It's almost as if he were really a victim of MFPD and the real person couldn't be bothered to make silly statements in orange, or something. Nah, that makes no sense. Clearly he's off searching for the clue to Nucleon since he can never decide from day to day with version of Grimlock he is!!

So, it would appear "Marvel Now!" = "Marvel movie universe designs."

[RoIIo Tomassi]

I'm more disturbed that Marvel, and fandom in general, thinks Rick Remender's penis tastes like steak dipped in honey and ice cream.

We'll soon be getting FrankenCap, and dipshits everywhere will gush.
I guess I can safely drop Cap from my buy list.

[anarky]

Actually, they do not think his penis tastes like steak dipped in honey and ice cream, because that's a horrible combination.

They think it tastes like a cheeseburger pizza from John's Incredible Pizza.

[anarky]

So, um, why's the Hulk need armor? Is that the new thing, give armor to the heroes who least need it? Maybe there can be a new Superman vs Hulk and it's a stalemate because they're both wearing armor.

[RoIIo Tomassi]

From my unread boxes: Green Goblin 1-13. The 1995 series that had Ben Urich's nephew Phil playing hero in some Goblin togs. I'm missing 3 of the 13 issues, but I got the gist of the series. It's Tom DeFalco at his...DeFalco-iest(?). He tries so hard to write hip lingo for his youthful characters, but nobody has-or ever will- talk like that Tom.
1. Phil stumbles into a hidden lair of Harry Osborn's. I mean literally stumbles. He stumbles like three times to become Green Goblin. He stumbles into the secret lever that opens up the hidden lair. Once inside he stumbles into a vat of goblin chemicals that enhance his strength. Then he stumbles upon the GG costume. Ridiculous.
2. Fights the Rhino.
3. Obligatory Spider-Man guest shot.
4. Obligatory Hobgoblin fight.
5. Has nightmares featuring all the previous Goblins, both Green and Hob.
6. Obligatory Daredevil guest shot.
7 and 8 I'm missing, but Harry's widow Liz Allan shows up.
9. This one has a clever, snide little commentary by DeFalco on Image Comics. Two owners of a software company named Larson Toddsmith and Marc Portaccio fire boy genius Johnathan Gatesworth(I'm assuming that name was changed from Robert Leefield or something because Heroes Reborn was right around the corner and they didn't want to offend their incoming golden boy).
10. Green Goblin escapes from one of Arcade's elaborate shitty death traps. Have I mentioned I loathe Arcade?
Missing 11.
12. Onslaught tie-in. GG fights a sentinel and trashes his armor.
13. Final issue. Since is gear is trashed and he has no way of fixing it, Phil decides the hero game isn't for him. So, this series ended just as Heroes Reborn was beginning.

Phil Urich is currently the All New All Crazy Hobgoblin appearing in Amazing Spidey. Dan Slott did an amicable job tying the current stories to the events of this book.

[RoIIo Tomassi]

Back with another batch of comics! This time it's some Black Widow miniseries.

First off, we've got Black Widow: Web of Intrigue which is a oneshot from 1999. But it's actually a reprint of four issue of Marvel Fanfare from 1982. Four issues for $3.50! In this day, a 4 issue TPB would run you like $16. And I only paid like 30 cents. Anyway, written by Ralph Macchio and glorious art by George Perez. Natasha has to track down her mentor, the man who raised her. He's either been kidnapped or he redefected back to the USSR. Eiter way, BW has to find him and bring him back. The villain ends up being some one issue schmoe from an old Daredevil book. But still a good read.

Followed that up with the three Marvel Knights miniseries from 2000 thru 2002.
Vol. 1 introduced Yelena Bolova, the New Black Widow(the blonde chick). She and Natasha are racing to find some biological weapons and destroy them for their respective countries. At times they are helping each other, and others they are trying to kill each other. Mostly because Yelena has a chip on her shoulder about being the "replacement" Widow.
Vol. 2. At the behest of SHIELD, Natasha employs an elaborate ruse where she has Yelena and herself surgically altered to look like each other so she can mind fuck Yelena and also find some stolen nukes on the black market. Strange.
Vol. 3. A MAX series. Apparently a prequel. Yelena's first mission after officially becoming BW is to find out who killed her superior officer/trainer/lover who was found dead in an S&M shop. Kink ensues.


Natasha is a bit of a slut. After trying to get in Tony Stark's pants, she hooked up with Hawkeye. Then Daredevil. Then she moved out west and shacked up with Hercules while they were in the Champions together. And in the Marvel Fanfare books she has a relationship with a scientist who gets killed during the story. They've also retconned Winter Soldier into her bed. And let's not forget her first husband Red Guardian(the Soviet Captain America). I'm pretty sure she's hooked up with Logan at some point. And Probably Nick Fury as well because that dude is a pimp and bags a ton of chicks.

Also, when you consider the sliding time scale of the Marvel Universe, all this work she did for the "Soviet Union" happened like 15 years after the USSR crumbled. Make sense of THAT!

[Tom Foolery]

Duncan will be dead of a heart attack before A2 comes out.
You need to start skewing younger with your hypothetical casting, mate.

And you need to start shutting your goddamn mouth about actors I like, ya big jerk.