If there could only be one more movie, ever

anarky · Post by **anarky** » Tue Dec 05, 2006 11:36 am

Imagine that, for whatever reason, there can only be one more movie produced for the rest of time.

However, you are in charge of choosing what that film that is, and, if you want, assigning any creative crew you wish.

So what would it be?

For me, it's no contest. Bryan Singer and Christopher Nolan co-directing Brandon Routh, Christian Bale, Kevin Spacey, Kate Bosworth, and (depending on the outcome of Batman Begins 2) Heath Ledger in World's Finest.

Runner-up would be a PJ-directed Hobbit, followed by a good Green Lantern movie.

mabudon · Post by **mabudon** » Tue Dec 05, 2006 1:25 pm

I think what I would most wish for is a film called either "Silver Age" or "Universe" and it would just be a free-form, totally all over the place Marvel film- it would have to be real long and have TONS of characters, maybe using the first Secret Wars for most if not all of the story

possible seconds include an AWESOME Speed Racer film, or a sequel to Godzilla: Final Wars

Post by **vynsane** » Tue Dec 05, 2006 1:34 pm

short circuit 3.

anarky · Post by **anarky** » Tue Dec 05, 2006 1:38 pm

vynsane wrote:short circuit 3.

I'd prefer a decent Short Circuit 2, myself.

Eternal Padawan · Post by **Eternal Padawan** » Tue Dec 05, 2006 1:57 pm

It would have

1. Ninjas
2. Pirates
3. Robots
4. Spaceships
5. Magic
6. Skyscrapers
7. Time Travel
8. Super Heroes
9. Mutants
10. Guns
11. Explosions
12. A shocking twist ending (that you never EVER see coming)
13. Snappy Dialogue
14. Mayhem
15. Death
16. Birth
17. Superb acting
18. The best ending EVER in the history of movies that makes you laugh and cry and thank the sweet lord you are alive.
19. Midgets
20. Talking Dogs
21. Fast Cars
22. Exotic Locales
23. Excellent Stuntwork
24. Seamless CGI
25. AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST COPIOUS AMOUNTS OF HOTTIES IN UNDRESS AND LOTS OF NUDITY AND SEX THROUGHOUT

anarky · Post by **anarky** » Tue Dec 05, 2006 2:00 pm

But no orangutangs?

Eternal Padawan · Post by **Eternal Padawan** » Tue Dec 05, 2006 2:14 pm

Fuck no! No monkeys. Monkeys RUIN films.

Every other year, some douche Movie Exec goes "Hey! A Monkey Movie would be funny!" Then we get subjected to...gah! I can't even think of..Dunston Checks In...or Buddy...or any of that shit. NO MONKEYS. Unless they get killed by the pirates and Ninjas at the beginning of the film.

Slimmie · Post by **Slimmie** » Tue Dec 05, 2006 2:14 pm

Man, I'll have to admit, as I was reading that I started to get a little bit worried. I kept reading further and further down the list with no mention of sex or nudity. Glad to see you didn't let me down. My choice would be exactly like that, minus the first 24 items.

Eternal Padawan · Post by **Eternal Padawan** » Tue Dec 05, 2006 2:16 pm

Slimmie wrote:Man, I'll have to admit, as I was reading that I started to get a little bit worried. I kept reading further and further down the list with no mention of sex or nudity. Glad to see you didn't let me down. My choice would be exactly like that, minus the first 24 items.

Dude, you at least have to have ninjas. Topless chick ninjas who do each other for two hours, but ninjas.

Slicker · Post by **Slicker** » Tue Dec 05, 2006 2:40 pm

Eternal Padawan wrote:Fuck no! No monkeys. Monkeys RUIN films.

Every other year, some douche Movie Exec goes "Hey! A Monkey Movie would be funny!" Then we get subjected to...gah! I can't even think of..Dunston Checks In...or Buddy...or any of that shit. NO MONKEYS. Unless they get killed by the pirates and Ninjas at the beginning of the film.

So you're telling me that MVP (Most Valuable Primate) wasn't the blockbuster hit of 1999!? I totally beg to differ. If not for the George Lucas movie released that year MVP would've dominated the box office.

Post by **vynsane** » Tue Dec 05, 2006 3:10 pm

kevin smith is the only person that can pull off a monkey flick - jay and silent bob strike back was the shit.

Eternal Padawan · Post by **Eternal Padawan** » Tue Dec 05, 2006 4:00 pm

vynsane wrote:kevin smith is the only person that can pull off a monkey flick - jay and silent bob strike back was the shit.

I wouldn't let Kevin Smith touch my opus. he needs to prove that he can do something besides Jay & Silent Bob ViewAskewniverse movies. Every time he says the one out is the last one, since Chasing Amy. And then he goes and does another one. I've said this before, but he may as well go back and Ret-Con Jay and Bob into Jersey Girl and be done with it. He's always talking about these other projects like Green Hornet and Fletch and shit, but then it's "oh look. another ode to my druggie best friend..."

Ran · Post by **Ran** » Tue Dec 05, 2006 4:24 pm

Eternal Padawan wrote:It would have

1. Ninjas
2. Pirates
3. Robots
4. Spaceships
5. Magic
6. Skyscrapers
7. Time Travel
8. Super Heroes
9. Mutants
10. Guns
11. Explosions
12. A shocking twist ending (that you never EVER see coming)
13. Snappy Dialogue
14. Mayhem
15. Death
16. Birth
17. Superb acting
18. The best ending EVER in the history of movies that makes you laugh and cry and thank the sweet lord you are alive.
19. Midgets
20. Talking Dogs
21. Fast Cars
22. Exotic Locales
23. Excellent Stuntwork
24. Seamless CGI
25. AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST COPIOUS AMOUNTS OF HOTTIES IN UNDRESS AND LOTS OF NUDITY AND SEX THROUGHOUT

So would a modernized Time Bandits work if they replaced the kid with say...a naked Keira Knightley?

Eternal Padawan · Post by **Eternal Padawan** » Tue Dec 05, 2006 4:30 pm

That would not be nearly enough naked. Not nearly enough.

And also, too much midget. Just a smattering of midget. Mostly ninjas and sex.

anarky · Post by **anarky** » Tue Dec 05, 2006 4:37 pm

I like his (Kevin Smith, that is--looks like two more posts got in while I was writing this) movies, but think he's a tad overrated. Entertaining as hell, but he should get over the Jay & Silent Bob shtick. Jersey Girl was the best thing he did by a damned long shot, because it actually had heart, and proved he can do more on the rare occasions he sets his mind to it.

I've actually had amicable conversations with people I've just met, and Kevin Smith comes up, and I'll mention Jersey Girl is my favorite (not nearly as bluntly as in the last paragraph), and suddenly it's like I just took a leak on the dude's mom. His fans need to realize he's cool, but he ain't Jesus. He's just a funny slacker with some good stories and not enough discipline to always get them out there.

Here's a couple of fun Smith stories from Comic-Con 2006:

First, he didn't show up. He kept calling in, saying he was stuck in traffic. He had to reschedule for a shorter speech that evening, and was quite entertaining when he did finally show. But here's the deal: my wife's family has lived in San Diego pretty much forever. They tell me traffic on the scale he's describing is nonexistent in San Diego, and would have been on the news (as there are only a couple of freeways in the city, and standstill delays of more than an hour, which he described, would've ground transportation in the city to a halt). There's a local 24-hour news station, and my mother-in-law is addicted to it. Nothing on the news, or on the 6 or 11 o'clock news. My brother-in-law had just come to Comic-Con via the route that Smith would have taken. He had no problems. We had no problems and saw no sign of calamity when we left that evening.

It turns out that Smith was giving speeches and Q&A's following every showing of Clerks 2 (this was opening weekend) at a local theater. And it so happened one of these was 30 minutes before his scheduled Comic-Con engagement, and one about 30 minutes after. It really sounds like he double-booked (likely accidentally), didn't have the balls to admit it or didn't want to lose money from one of the appearances, and figured the Comic-Con crowd would be more forgiving.

The other thing... this is a hell of a doozy, and likely some of you are already aware of it. At Comic-Con, people kept asking when he was going to finish a Spider-Man/Black Cat miniseries he'd apparently been running late on. And he gave noncommittal answers, saying he wanted to finish it but hadn't been able to.

I didn't think much of it. But then I was reading Writers on Comics Scriptwriting 2, and he brings it up in there! He says he lost focus and wanted to take some time off, and people kept asking about it. . . and then he got the idea for Jersey Girl and hopefully would get back to work on it once he finished filming!

Okay, so in July 2006, he's talking about this series, which he had abandoned at some point, and which had been in limbo long enough for people to have been persistently asking about it when he started filming a movie that came out in the fall of 2004! Holy shit! How does this guy continue to find gainful employment as a writer? Talented or not, the guy doesn't have any semblance of a work ethic! Nor enough concern for fans to finish a frigging miniseries after two years!