the vynsane asylum

I got the idea for this thread last night. Mrs Anarky was off with the baby at the doctor when I got home. It wasn't time for Jeopardy, and I was bored. So I queued up the old HBO In-Demand (or is it On-Demand?), and what was among the movies offered this month but Risky Business. So I thought, "Well, I've got enough time to watch the good part a few times before they get home."

And I did indeed have time. And I thought, "This is one of those classics of movie nudity. Every teenaged boy should see this movie."

And so, what are the other classics? Maybe not the most explicit, or the longest, but the nude scenes in normal (read: non-porno) films that all male kids should stay up and sneak into the living room to see on HBO at some point, and that men should enjoy again and again?

First, since it inspired this thread, Risky Business. All in all, it is one of the most contrived, corniest 80s movies ever made. But throw in one jaw-dropping shot of a young Rebecca deMornay, and this otherwise forgettable movie becomes a classic. The movie is so cheesy, that even during the shot in question, you could pour the cinematography on your nachos. But you don't care that the door mysteriously opens to allow the wind blow, or that the worst synth music this side of The Transformers: The Movie is playing. You don't even care that that douche Tom Cruise takes up more space on the screen. No, because Rebecca has a smoking body. And not only do you get T&A, you get a little bush, too.

Fast Times at Ridgemont High: Seriously, if you take out Spicolli and the nudie shots, this movie blows. Hard. But, in addition to some other fun scenes, this contains the nude scene: Phoebe Cates poolside. That is the scene all others should be judged by. It should've won an Oscar. They should've created a category for that one shot.

The Terminator: Admit it. When you were a kid, you told your mom you wanted to see a robot try to blow shit up. And you did. But, deep down, you wanted to see Linda Hamilton's boobootitties again and again. Short scene, and she has the worst hair in film history, but totally worth it. And, for a change, the movie is pretty damned good outside this scene.

American Pie: Sort of a "next generation" thing, since I doubt any of us had to sneak downstairs to watch. But you know teenaged boys are now, and will forevermore. For this is a new classic in every sense. Nadia is the pinnacle of Shannon Elizabeth's career. (And it always will be: she sucks hard as an actress.)

What else? I'll add more as I think of them.

Revenge Of The Nerds. Was, I think, my first real viewing of the nether regions of a woman. Lots of furry trapdoors!

Beverly Hills Cop. My god those are anorexic ugly strippers. but when your nine years old, it's all boobies! The same goes for 48 HRS.

Here's a few more:

Hardbodies: I used to check the HBO guide every month just to see if this was airing on any Friday or Saturday nights during the month. When it was, I made plans. Seriously. As sad as it sounds, I planned to see this rather pathetic little movie. It is theoretically a comedy, but I don't think there's anything truly funny about it (aside from a scene of a guy getting head while playing a guitar). Three old farts go to the beach to score, strike out, meet a surfer dude who gives them lessons, and get a lot of action. But, as absolutely bad as the movie is, I think it had the highest boob-per-minute ratio of any flick HBO showed in the 80s. And that's all I cared about.

Wild Things: Another modern classic. Denise Richards before she hit it big, in a really nice topless scene, making out with Neve Campbell. Sadly, Neve isn't nude (though there are a couple of shots that are likely a body double and don't show anything anyway), but to see her swapping spit with a naked Denise Richards is truly a work of art worthy of the Leuvre.

Unfaithful: This movie thinks it's an 80s movie, because there are some great nude scenes mixed into an otherwise absolutely horrible movie. Diane Lane was nominated for an Oscar (she may have won; I don't know or care), and it's probably because she didn't laugh through the entire movie. The movie's insulting to women, and to the intelligence of anyone who watches for any reason other than to see a cute, proper soccer mom getting her brains fucked out repeatedly. And maybe this is the lone case of the Academy wanting to honor a woman for doing a convincing job of pretending to be on the receiving end of a hard cocking.

Carla Gugino in Sin City - Just all around great tits.

Rosario Dawson in Alexander - The only thing watchable in the movie.

Maria Bello's muff in A History of Violence was a nice surprise.

Dina Meyer in Starship Troopers - I wasn't expecting any nudity from her in the coed shower scene then WHAMO! Boobies! And we get a second bonus look later.

The two chicks during the KY wrestling scene in Old School.

Halle Berry's tittyballs in Swordfish - great marketing.

Rene Russo in The Thomas Crown Affair - she may have been in her early 40's, but damn they were nice.

You guys named most of the good ones. I never really liked Denise Richards, so Wild Things wouldn't have made my list.

Stripes: The first movie I saw with nudity. They were watching the women shower through a telescope.

Animal House: Sorority pillow fight.

Funniest nude scene with puppets: Team America.

Honorable mention:

Monty Pyhotn's Meaning of Life: The guy was given his choice of execution and was chased off a cliff by a mob of nude women.

Bachelor Party: Not one of my favorites, but probably deserves a mention.

What the?!!? Where the hell is PORKY'S?!?!?! How can you have a list like this and not have that classic on it?? Shame...

I just came back to say Porky's, but it looks like someone beat me to it.

Maxim has a list of "Earth Shattering Nude Scenes" and they list a number of the ones we've already listed.
http://www.maximonline.com/slideshows/i ... lectId=135

And they list Ali Larter's Whip Cream bikini from Varsity Blues even though it wasn't an actual nude scene. I've got to agree.

I'll have to look at that later. No way I'm doing it from work. (I may be leaving, but I don't want to be fired.)

If you want to be so kind as to copy and paste so those of us not at home at the moment can peruse the list, feel free, but you are under no obligation.

Also, if "not quite nude" scenes count, I'm going to officially be the first to nominate Princess Leia in Jabba's Palace.

A couple from the list are:

Heather Graham in Boogie Nights

Reese Witherspoon in Twilight


The rest have basically been listed here...





...except for Kathy Bates in About Schmidt.

Reese Witherspoon? I have to see that movie. ASAP. Holy crap!

I hated her for her cheesy roles until seeing her as June Carter last year. The woman can act. And she's hot (far hotter than June ever dreamed of being). Nice combo.

I forgot Boogie Nights. That's a good one, and Heather's only the tip of the iceberg.

I recall a really straight-laced (probably unknowingly homosexual, seriously) friend of my brother who was pissed that Heather Graham was in Austin Powers 2. He apparently really liked her in Lost in Space (WTF?) and was disgusted that she'd be in "that sort" of movie. He apparently found Austin Powers to be incredibly offensive. I didn't have the heart to tell him about Boogie Nights.

Well, she was naked under that whip cream, so that has to count for something.

I never got into the Pricess Leia in the gold bikini thing. For some reason, when I was 5 or so, I pretended my mom was Princess Leia probably because Carrie Fisher and my mother are about the same age and have the same color hair. Kind of ruined that scene in ROTJ for me.

Now, those chicks in the Leia outfits in the untapped boobie source are another story. Sha-wing.

anarky wrote: I forgot Boogie Nights. That's a good one, and Heather's only the tip of the iceberg.

I recall a really straight-laced (probably unknowingly homosexual, seriously) friend of my brother ... I didn't have the heart to tell him about Boogie Nights.

well, you could tell him about the tip of the wahlberg... that may change his mind, if your theory is correct...

Hmmmm......

Rodney Dangerfield's "Back to School" and "Easy Money" both had nice topless-lady scenes in them, and who can forget Beverly D'Angelo's beautiful rack in "National Lampoon's Vacation"?

Oh, and then there's Appolonia Kotero gearing down in Purple Rain - not that I've watched that 984588832 times or anything.

anarky wrote:I'll have to look at that later. No way I'm doing it from work. (I may be leaving, but I don't want to be fired.)

The closest thing to nudity in the pics is Ali Larter in the whip cream.

Here are some screencaps of her Reese Witherspoon in Twilight (I won't post the actual pics so you can still read this thread at work):
http://www.blazinbeauties.com/images/re ... oon_15.jpg
Yeah, those are nice.