the vynsane asylum

• Emma Watson (in a year or so) is a naive freshman at Oxford. She comes under the sway of a second-year senior and raging lesbian nymphomaniac (played by Keira Knightley). Watson's character learns, mostly through observation, how Knightley gets everything she wants through sex, including her good grades. When Watson has to get her grade on an exam changed by fucking an American professor (Jennifer Connelley), she learns that Knightley's life is hollow and we all learn a touchy-feely lesson, and then the two have sex again, but this time it means something, or some crap so this gets an Oscar.
• Laura Prepon is... Boobiewoman! No powers, no abilities, hell, no fighting skills. A mild-mannered (and hot) redheaded reporter discovers one day that, by flashing her tits, she can distract supervillains long enough for the cops to arrive. So she spends the next hour and a half defending the city from evil. And, boy, is there a lot of evil.
• Ashley Judd, Charlize Theron, and Scarlett Johansen are cousins in deepest, darkest West Virginia. After an apocalyptic nuclear war that eradicates the rest of humanity, they find themselves caught up in the battle between zombie ninjas and zombie pirates to find the Holy Grail and restore some fallen god to the heavens. Oh, and since there are no people left, they decide it's a waste of time to bother getting dressed. And, being cousins from West Virginia, they make out a lot. And they like to blast Bad Company really loudly, too.
• Paradise Lost: Can you believe that, in the history of film, no one has adapted this book? Fucking crazy. Oh, and let's throw Hayden Pantinhowthefuckdoyouspellhername in as Eve.
• Star Wars: Episodes I-III: The Definitive Editions. Let's beat George Lucas until he says the prequels were a joke, and then have guys like Bryan Singer and Peter Jackson direct new movies based upon the novelizations. So the story is more or less the same, only the suckage factor goes down. Oh, and Aayla Secura has to pop out of costume a few times.
• World's Finest: No nudity or anything. Scrap this fucking Justice League movie they're doing, and do whatever it takes (blackmail, extortion, etc) to get Nolan, Bale, Singer, Routh, Spacey, and Ledger to collaborate on this. Oh, and let's have it lead into a Batman movie with Bane that doesn't suck balls.

vynsane wrote:the first three sound like winners to me!

Double_G wrote:I would donate a kidney to see that first movie.

anarky wrote:

vynsane wrote:the first three sound like winners to me!

But not the third?

anarky wrote: Out of curiosity, what's wrong with Boobiewoman?

vynsane wrote:um... doesn't the "first three" include "the third"? or is this the new math?

anarky wrote:Totally free reign here.

I would see these movies if in addition to the hotties you mentioned, Emmy Rossum was also in them.

• Emma Watson (in a year or so) is a naive freshman at Oxford. She comes under the sway of a second-year senior and raging lesbian nymphomaniac (played by Keira Knightley). Watson's character learns, mostly through observation, how Knightley gets everything she wants through sex, including her good grades. When Watson has to get her grade on an exam changed by fucking an American professor (Jennifer Connelley), she learns that Knightley's life is hollow and we all learn a touchy-feely lesson, and then the two have sex again, but this time it means something, or some crap so this gets an Oscar.

Emmy Rossum plays Emma Watson's shy roommate.  There is a tender scene where they "experiment" for the first time.  It could be more than one tender scene.  And one tender scene could be a shower scene.

[*] Laura Prepon is... Boobiewoman! No powers, no abilities, hell, no fighting skills. A mild-mannered (and hot) redheaded reporter discovers one day that, by flashing her tits, she can distract supervillains long enough for the cops to arrive. So she spends the next hour and a half defending the city from evil. And, boy, is there a lot of evil.

Emmy Rossum is Laura's sidekick Tittygirl.  She has an oral fixation and is always with a lollipop in her mouth.

[*] Ashley Judd, Charlize Theron, and Scarlett Johansen are cousins in deepest, darkest West Virginia. After an apocalyptic nuclear war that eradicates the rest of humanity, they find themselves caught up in the battle between zombie ninjas and zombie pirates to find the Holy Grail and restore some fallen god to the heavens. Oh, and since there are no people left, they decide it's a waste of time to bother getting dressed. And, being cousins from West Virginia, they make out a lot. And they like to blast Bad Company really loudly, too.

Emmy, who is also nude, is a blind prophet to the zombies.  

[*] Paradise Lost: Can you believe that, in the history of film, no one has adapted this book? Fucking crazy. Oh, and let's throw Hayden Pantinhowthefuckdoyouspellhername in as Eve.

Emmy can play Eve.  Hayden can play Satan.  "The eating of the apple" will be symbolically portrayed as a rugmunch fest for the last 90 minutes of a 100 minute movie.

[*] Star Wars: Episodes I-III: The Definitive Editions. Let's beat George Lucas until he says the prequels were a joke, and then have guys like Bryan Singer and Peter Jackson direct new movies based upon the novelizations. So the story is more or less the same, only the suckage factor goes down. Oh, and Aayla Secura has to pop out of costume a few times.

Emmy is a handmaiden.  Lots of "bathing the Senator" scenes to replace all the awkward Padme/Anakin scenes.  

[*] World's Finest: No nudity or anything. Scrap this fucking Justice League movie they're doing, and do whatever it takes (blackmail, extortion, etc) to get Nolan, Bale, Singer, Routh, Spacey, and Ledger to collaborate on this. Oh, and let's have it lead into a Batman movie with Bane that doesn't suck balls.[/list]

No nudity. Fine.  Emmy plays Poison Ivy with three or four strategically placed leaves on her otherwise bare, airbrushed green body.  Vicious catfight between her, Batgirl, Supergirl, and Catwoman ends up at the Metropolis Baby Oil Manufacturing plant.