Make our own negative campaign ads

[anarky]

They don't have to be true, or even based in anything resembling reality. In fact, better if they're total BS.

#1:

Close-up of John McCain's head, wearing an eyepatch. We hear someone singing the stupid "Yo ho, yo ho" pirate song. Zoom out; first we see he's in full pirate regalia, then that he's on a boat in water. Keep zooming out, and we see the boat's not in the ocean, but in what looks like a long, thin river. Keep zooming out, and we see it's a buttcrack.

Voice-over: "Vote Obama. Because John McCain is a butt-pirate."

#2:

A nicely dressed couple parks their car in front of their house. It's dark. They've obviously been on a wonderful date, and maybe they're discussing it. As soon as they step out of the car, we hear a dog howling in pain, and a guy grunting like he's fucking something hard. They run to the door and start to unlock it, but an Obama lookalike opens it, looking nervous. "I didn't expect you guys back so soon." Pan down to a chihuahua, which is bleeding profusely from its ass.

Voice-over: "This November 4, vote for John McCain. He's not the kind of asshole who would abuse your dog while he's house-sitting."

[vynsane]

scene: convenience store, as seen through the lens of a grainy green-screen security camera. a man, dressed in black with a ski mask on his head, enters. the man brandishes a gun at the clerk behind the desk, who pees himself a little and gives the masked man the money from the cash register and a pack of cigarettes and a cold 45. the masked man shoots the clerk in the head, and leaves. fade to black.

fade in white text on black background (last word styled in 1950's style sci-fi/monster flick font): Obama is BLACK.

[anarky]

#3

Paris Hilton's sex tape with John McCain's and Barack Obama's heads really poorly superimposed on the bodies. (Think Saddam Hussein in South Park.) It shows about thirty seconds of the footage, then a still picture of Bob Barr. "The other guys are just the same old fuckers. I'm Bob Barr and I approve this message."

#4

"On September 15, Wall Street experienced one of the greatest crashes of all time following the failure of two major banks, and the announcement that more were in dire straits. John McCain's policies led us to this crash, which is the worst financial crisis to face the American people since the Great Depression. John McCain remembers the Great Depression quite well. So vote Obama. Because McCain's older than dirt."

[anarky]

This one isn't exactly "negative," but here goes.

Scene: The Alaska governor's office. Sexy music is playing, and Sarah Palin walks in. She starts talking dirty, and slowly taking off her clothes. She gets to her underwear, and goes to unfasten the hook on a front-hook bra.

The video stops, and the screen is filled with the words, "Vote McCain, and the bra comes off."

[Rollo Tomassi]

1st Commercial: A shot of Sarah Palin on the steps of Congress, taking the oath as our first female President. Its "news footage" and the date on the screen is January 3rd or whatever. Then next shot is Sarah Palin sitting behind her desk in the Oval office, giving her resignation speech. The date on the screen is August 29th or something. Then you have one of those big Red Block Letters stamps come down on the screen. SARAH PALIN: QUITTER.

2nd Commercial:

This segment is from my local News repeatedly asking about Bachmann's husbands "Pray the Gay Away" business, and her ignoring the question with effusiveness. Then her team cut the broadcast off. Basically, my commercial would be just asking Bachmann different questions about the economy, foreign policy, and other assorted issues, and then cutting to her saying "I am running for president..." and not actually answering the questions.



3rd Commercial. Either of these women getting announced as the Republican Nominee for the presidency, and then immediately cutting to a bunch of Democratic Conventions where everybody is cheering and dropping balloons. Because, honestly, America wouldn't put either of these loony twats in the White House. The more they open their mouths, the more apparent it is they are blathering numskulls.

[Ben Reilly]

Lots of footage from Planet of the Apes. A voice-over says, "Some among us think we evolved from monkeys. However, some of them never evolved from the apes." Then you show Barack HUSSEIN Osama eating a banana and scratching his ass.

It's funny because it's true!!